New Voices

Goyim and Guavas and Goldeneye, oh my.

So I just got back from Hawaii, and while I was there, I noticed that there were Hawaiian themed Christmas decorations. I noticed them because they were freaking everywhere. Christmas in Hawaii is like a seventh grader at a school dance: awkward and trying too hard. There were Christmas trees all around, but get this, instead of being covered in standard ornaments, they were covered in Hawaiian ornaments! So it was like, instead of a candy cane a pineapple; and instead of a wreath, a lei; and instead of an angel on top, another pineapple (ok, it might have been a guava). And I just want to know one thing: Where is Hawaiian Hanukkah?!? (for some reason also called Chanukah, which I think is just Hanukkah for feisty Jews). I did not see one single palm-tree themed menorah, nor tropical umbrella Kippah, nor mai tai Mikvah, nor was my plate graced with a seared ahi latke. I’m not bitter, I’m just a little… ok, I guess I’m bitter.

Also, in the airport gate on the way back from Hawaii, my sister unknowingly sat next to Pierce Brosnan for about an hour. I knew this but I’m not really that big into being an annoying asshole, so I left him alone. The only thing I really wanted to do was go up to him and say “No matter what other people say, I just wanted to let you know that you’ve always been my favorite Baldwin Brother,” but I’m not entirely convinced that he would have appreciated that as much as I do.

In other news, Ariel Sharon just had a debilitating stroke. Now I’m personally all for the creation of a Palestinian state and more generally peace in the middle east, but I gotta say – first Yitzhak Rabin and now this happening so soon after the formation of the Kadima party – all I’m saying is that people who want to make a case that god is against the peace process are probably feeling pretty good about themselves today. Bastards.

posted by Shlomocles @ 3:11 PM