New Voices

The True Meaning of Wonderbread

So as of February Fifth my somewhat illustrious liberal arts school commenced with its spring semester. I know it’s late, but as everyone knows, the standard equation applies

Amount of money school costs = (Amount of time actually spent in school) ÷ K
Where K is somenumber that makes this equation make sense.

On Monday, Wednesday, and Friday I have Economic Development, Medieval Jewish Thought, Topics in Applied Ethics, Jazz Aural Skills and Capoeira.

Unfortunately Economic Development is a 200 level class and I, not having taken the corollary 100 level class, am woefully under-prepared to take it. Sometimes when I’m in class I like to pretend that my professor is an advanced life form who has landed on ancient earth and is trying to teach a caveman to make a sandwich. It’s like, I understand what tuna is, but what’s this about mayo and celery? Paprika won’t be invented for like 1,000 years at least, and I have no idea what this whole “sliced bread” thing is about, but it sounds like it’s going to be big….Grunt.

Medieval Jewish Thought is interesting, because it seems like Jews have been struggling with the same things for the last thousand years.

A Jew in 1006 CE:

“If God is so great and we are his chosen people, why is my life so full of troubles. Why must I live in constant persecution under cross or crescent? Why are we being forced to leave our home and where will we go to from here.”

A Jew (named Jeff) in 2006, CE:

“If God is so great and we are his chosen people, then why hasn’t Adam Sandler released a new version of the Hannukah song in over seven years? Why would god have let “8 crazy nights” happen at all, and how the hell did Madonna make it into the club? Sort of.”

Faith is tricky.

On Tuesdays and Thursdays I only have one class, Modern Philosophy, where I use philosophy proofs to be sassy.

I was going to paste the proof in here, but when I put it before test audiences (mom), it was deemed “too philosophicalish.”

Anway, the thrust of it is that I used Saint Anselm’s Ontological Argument for the existence of God to prove that a god-like sandwich (or sandwich with God-like powers, depending on your exegetical grounding) exists.

I then used Descartes’ argument that a mind is not the same as a body to show that I am not a human. Also, that I am not an outboard motor (thank goodness).

Now all of this goes to show two things:

1) That class is before lunch.

2) Faith is tricky.

posted by Shlomocles @ 10:50 AM