God is Like, Totally Tubular
So today in my philosophy class we’re discussing the problem of evil. Some people may have heard this before but it basically goes “if God is omniscient, omnipotent and all loving, then why does life suck,” and as I pointed out last week, it’s pretty much all Jews thought about for a good period there after being slaves in Egypt but before the plague hit.
But what I’m more concerned about is the related yet substantially different “Problem of Awesome.” The question there being: If God loves all Hir (note the non-gendered pronoun, yeah that’s right – I’m sensitive) children, then why are some people and things soooo much more awesome then others.
Consider the following list, and when you’re done just try and tell me that your faith wasn’t shaken just a little bit by the horrors we’ve knowingly unleashed upon our own civilian populations.
| Awesome (A.) | Not Awesome (N.A.) |
| | |
| The War in | Return of The War in |
| Science | Scientology |
| Scientists | Tom Cruise |
| Leather jackets | Leather vests |
| Horses | Donkeys |
| Michael Jackson 20 years ago | Touching little boys. |
| Jay Leno Telling a Michael Jackson Joke in 1993 | Every Michael Jackson joke told since (including the one above) |
| Spider Man | Josh Rosenblatt (he’s this guy in my econ class. Total drag) |
| Oprah | Oprah |
| Wearing clean clothes | Doing laundry |
| Jon Stewart John Coltrane Johnny Cash | James Van Der Beek Jamie Lynn Spears Fredric Jameson |
| Aristotle, Nietzsche, Kant, Hume | Plato, St. Anselm, Freud, Van Frassen |
| | |
| Rock | Paper and/or Scissors |
| Fraggle Rock | Crack rock |
| Star Trek: The Next Generation | Star Trek: The One With The Guy From Quantum Leap |
| Sarah Silverman in “The Aristocrats” | Sarah Silverman in Jimmy Kimmel’s bed (mmmm, cover of Heeb Magazine #9…). |
| Arrested Development | The bastards at Fox that cancelled Arrested Development |
| Mad Max | Mel Gibson |
| The effects of Michel Foucault’s writings on modern culture and philosophy | Reading any of them |
| Downloading mp3’s | Getting sued by the RIAA |
| Free porn on the internet | Spam about free porn on the internet |
| My orgasm | Your orgasm, you dirty, dirty bastard. |
| Free will | Free Willy |
| The Presidency of George Bush Senior in comparison to that of his son | How immensely depressing that statement was |
| Layer Cake: The movie | Fruit Cake: The delightful holiday treat |
| Pixar (until they were bought by Disney) | Disney (until they bought Pixar) |
| Watergate | Blowjob-gate |
| “Mr. Show” and ‘Kids in the Hall” | “SNL” and “Mad TV” |
| Phil Hartman in “News Radio” | Phil Hartman in a burial plot |
| | |
| Being a neoconservative in the years 2000-2006 (for you, not the world) | Being a classical conservative in the years 2000-2006 |
| Getting elected in the years 2000-2006 | Being a democrat in the years 2000-2006 |
| Strong Bad | Everyone you know doing their impression of Strong Bad |
| Playing doctor when you’re 4 | Playing doctor when you’re 40 |
| Samurai, knights, Ninjas and Robots | “The Last Samurai,” “Black Knight,” “Three Ninjas,” and “I, Robot” |
| The Matrix #1 | Nothing. There were no other Matrices! |
Lastly, consider the following:
I know, I know, it's hard for me to understand why God would inflict such non-awesomeness on his people too, but I guess that's one of the mysteries of life. But worry not dear friend; if your faith was challenged too much by what you've just witnessed, consider the following testaments:
All better!
posted by Shlomocles @ 6:18 AM
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