The Jewish Food Pyramid
Shvitzin' in the Kitchen with Hutton Gibson
By Mel Gibson's DadHutton Gibson here again. After my last report, I was shocked to receive several letters which were critical of my evaluation of the Spanish Jellyfish crisis of '06. Even more to my dismay, some of these people claimed that I had been unfair towards the Jewish people. Well that is just hog wash I say, hog wash. But just to quell these whiners, today I wanted to share with you a few of my favorite classic Judaic cooking recipes.First, I want to clear the air: A lot of fuss has been made about Jews drinking the blood of
Christian children, but let me just be the first to say, that's just plain not true. I mean, I never let little Mel close enough to any real life Jews to check (only the practice dummy we keep in the basement), but regardless, everyone knows that a Jew's delicate palate would be burned by the purity of a good christian choir boy, I mean they can't even go in the sun without turning to dust (editor's note: Mr. Gibson sometimes confuses Jews with vampires).Now everyone knows that Jews love macaroons, but what a lot of people don't know is that the Jewish food pyramid consists of several less than conventional delicasies.
I don't want to get into the intricate history of Schmaltz just here; what I would like to discuss is the Jewish penchant for consuming classic cultural icons. Now I'm the first to say that exposure to too many cartoon characters and toys will just turn a good child rotten. A boy's best and only true companion should begin in the beginning and end at the end of days. You know what they say, one good book deserves another. I'm talking about the bible, you damn fool. But still, I found I was rather chilled when I saw these photos, which my boy Mel sent me from his recent Safari into the Jewish Jungle (editors note: Mr. Gibson uses the phrase "Jewish Jungle" to refer to New York City. The views expressed by Mr. Gibson are not representative of the Goldstein and Faber Publishing House). I remeber when I took Mel on his first safari. It was all fun and games till he got into the damn Dingo tranquilizers... Eh, what was I saying? Oh yeah, look at the pictures!
No amount of disguises would help this Mr. Potatohead
The Pilsbury Doughboy has a rude homecomming
Unfortunately Nemo found more than he bargained for
A balanced diet -- a little vegetables, a little mermaid and a little baby.Anyway, I hope that clears the air.
Next time on Hutton Gibson's Wild World of Jewish Conspiracies: Just who did steal the cookies from the cookie jar? And why did they leave behind the bacon and lobster biscotti?
Salam-i
The Associated Press reported today that the comic actor Jackie Mason, who appeared in Caddyshack II, The Jerk, and History of the World Part I has filed a 2 million Dollar Law suit against Jews for Jesus for the use of his image and “shtick”in a recent recruiting pamphlet. Mason denied the suggestions made by the pamphlet, announcing he was "as Jewish as a matzo ball or kosher salami."
Hutton's Tale
Spain E
xpels Jews: 600 years later, Jews Strike Back
By Mel Gibson’s dad
On the week of April 29th, 1492, King Ferdinand and Queen Isabella of Spain expelled approximately 800,000 Jews from Spain’s borders. Today, on August 9th 2006, Spain is being overcome by a deluge of the deadly amorphous sea creature known only as the jellyfish. Jellyfish and Jew both start with the letter J. Starting to see a pattern?
I thought so.
Below you will see conclusive proof that I have collected showing this, the first of many steps by the Jews to reclaim world dominance the likes of which no one has seen since I had that dream about the Jews trying to reclaim world dominance!!!
Unfortunately, as any good pre-vatican II’er knows, Jelly Fish are Jesus’ one weakness. That is why it falls to us, the humble people of 
earth to stop this plan before it starts.
Now I know that some people are going to say that I "doctored" these photos with Microsoft Paint, and that I "did a pretty poor job of it too." But honestly, who you gonna believe? Them or the father of the star of Lethal weapons 1-3? (Chris Rock stole the show in 4, sorry son.)
Also, Stephen Colbert may be somehow involved I think. I’m not sure how. More on this later...
A man who doesn't pronounce all the letters in his name is never to be trusted.
-- Ancient Austrailian Proverb
New Revelations in Gibson Frame-up
MEL GIBSON: Framed! 
Everybody knows that Mel Gibson has been accused of anti-Semitic remarks, but today in a remarkable turnaround, Mr. Gibson has revealed that he was in fact a mere patsy, the victim of some larger, darker more insidious plan. “I was just having a fun night out on the town. Sure, I’d had a drink or two, but nothing an Aussie like me can’t handle. But someone put something in my drink, and everything after that goes black. I woke up the next day, confused and arrested. This has been a tough time for me.”
The actor, who is perhaps most widely known for his portrayal of the wisecracking aviating rooster Rocky in 2000’s Chicken Run, has been working with the Malibu sheriff’s department to uncover the identity of his assailant.
“I don’t remember much, I was at the nightclub [Moonshadows], and I saw someone at the punch bowl. I didn’t think anything of it at the time, but when I think back to 
it there was something suspicious about him. I couldn’t put my finger on it exactly, but I got a decent look. I still wake up some nights with his image in my mind...”
Mr. Gibson has worked with LAPD artists to generate what he says is an accurate composite sketch of the man he saw at the nightclub. The image, which was released today by the Sheriff’s department, was accompanied by a warning earlier this afternoon is below. If you see someone matching the description, please contact the sheriff’s dept. Do not attempt to confront him, the suspect is considered armed and pious. “We’re worried,” said a spokesman for the department. “We do not believe this person was working alone. If this could happen to someone as visible and popular as Mr. Gibson, then the general populace is almost certainly at risk."
LAPD composite sketch of suspect in Gibson frame-up
“Sure, he looked like he was just dancing and drinking and having a night out on the town like everyone else,” said Mr. Gibson, “but I know better. I don’t know who did this awful thing to me, but by god [Jesus], I won’t stop until we find them and rectify this injustice.”
Flamingoldstein?
Question of the DayPink Flamingos: Do any Jews own them? 
Discuss.
Silence of The Prez: The New Diplomacy
US and France Come to Agreement on Israel-Hezbollah Security Council Resolution:
Agree to Disagree
Presidents Club: Bush and Chirac teach the world a lesson about diplomacy On Saturday, the U.S. announced that an agreement has been reached on a diplomatic plan for dealing with the Israel-Hezbollah war; to not talk about it in the future. The plan, which is being called a “verbal cease-fire,” covers not only discussion of the Israel-Arab issue, but goes so far as to put a moratorium on all international issues which are “sensitive” “touchy” or ‘could be described as a ‘sticky wicket.’” News analysts say that this new decision reflects a long history of ire between the U.S. and France when it comes to a range of issues, especially with regards to Israeli-Arab relations. This new strategy, advocates claim, will yield a much more congenial atmosphere between the two nations.
“Let’s face it,” said White House press secretary Tony Snow, “The U.S. and France don’t really see ‘eye to eye’ when it comes to the whole ‘Israel thing.’ For years now there have been disputes and fighting between our two countries, some of which have gotten so out of hand that a polite throat-clearing was required to change the subject. Vocal Pro-France-Anti-Israel French and liberal speakers have debated Anti-France-Pro-Israel American and Jewish speakers for years now, and this violent, ideological, verbal clash has to end. All we’re doing now is recognizing it publicly and moving on.” He added “we really think this will result in smoother dinner conversation.”
Critics of the agreement criticize the plan for “not being a solution,” and complain that it “actually ignores the problem entirely.” Senate minority leader Harry “Hairy” Reid said “This is yet another example of this Administration’s complete disregard for reality,” to which the esteemed Dr. Bill “HIV is spread by tears” Frist, responded “La la la, I can’t hear you,” and then called a vote on the floor to have the secret service lock Senator Reid in the capital broom closet with Hillary Clinton. The measure passed, with 5 democrats crossing party lines, most notably Joseph Lieberman, who was also quoted as saying “These [expletive deleted] democrats have got to be stopped.”
In France as well, critics are complaining that the French government is “just running away from the issue like a bunch of sissies.” To which supporters of the plan responded “No duh,” adding “We’re French.” Jacques Chirac’s office couldn’t be reached for comment.
A source inside the White House who declined to be identified said “Look, the American people know Bush isn’t all about ‘negotiation’ or ‘international crises,’ or ‘politics’ (air quotes his); that’s not why they hired him in the first place. They elected him because he’s likable. He’s the kind of president you could really sit down and have a frosty mug of beer with, or if you’re the President of France, a frosty mug of Chablis ’92.” He added “President Bush really feels like there’s been too much international strife during his presidency. He’s ready to move beyond that, loosen his tie and his belt, sit down and talk about something else. It’s called diplomacy, look it up; it’s what Presidents do.”
In a public press conference President Bush announced the plan saying “For a while now the people of France and the United States have been unable to talk about the people of Israel and Palestine without getting all huffy and worked up over it. This conflict has gone on too long. It’s time we put an end to all this fighting. put the past behind us, treat each other like human beings and just get along. The time has come to deal with this problem, by not talking about it ever again.” he said, adding, “heh heh.”
By Mel Gibson's Dad
No amount of disguises would help this Mr. Potatohead
The Pilsbury Doughboy has a rude homecomming
Unfortunately Nemo found more than he bargained for
A balanced diet -- a little vegetables, a little mermaid and a little baby.
